The Strength I Needed – by Kaisha Mercado

Growing up in a huge extended family, I was exposed to many differences and traditions concerning how children should be raised. My mom’s side of the family was very strict and lived by the Southern rules; on my dad’s side, my uncles were strict, but my grandmother was very loving. No matter what we did – right or wrong – she loved us unconditionally, which allowed us to feel okay about making mistakes.

I inherited the best of both worlds and wanted to instill the same in my future children. As a teenager, I was told I may not be able to bear children due to a reoccurring ovarian cyst. In 2007, I felt cramps for the very first time. I ignored them for two days, not realizing I was miscarrying. After class, I drove myself to the hospital and discovered I was pregnant. I cried because I was under the impression that I wouldn’t be able to have children. In that moment God showed me He is in control!

After leaving the hospital I was sad, confused, and shocked. I asked God, “Why would you allow me to get pregnant and not be able to carry?” I became very depressed. Every time I saw someone pregnant or with an infant, I would cry. I healed from the miscarriage, graduated from college, and went on to start my teaching career.

In 2008 I met my ex-husband. Things were going well for me – a new relationship, a new career, and a new outlook on life. In May of 2009, I found out I was pregnant, but I didn’t get too excited because I didn’t want to be disappointed. At 28 weeks, the doctors discovered that Anniyah had an irregular heartbeat. I needed to be followed every week until my due date to monitor her heart. At 37 weeks I went in for what I thought was a normal check-up, but the doctor couldn’t find Anniyah’s heartbeat. I was sent to the hospital so they could run tests, and the end result was me having an emergency c-section.

This was not how I imagined having my baby girl. After giving birth, Anniyah weighed enough that she didn’t have to stay in the NICU, which was nothing but God’s grace. The first year of Anniyah’s life went as smoothly as possible, and she hit all of her milestones early, which I was thankful for.

Things took a turn at Anniyah’s first birthday party. I noticed she wasn’t herself – very fussy, glassy eyes, and just didn’t want to be bothered. At her one-year check-up, she had a fever of 102 and was rushed to Virtua Hospital in Voorhees, NJ. Diagnosed with RSV, she was transported to one of the top children’s hospitals in the country. We were admitted to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) for a week, with Anniyah in isolation due to the virus.

It was extremely difficult to see my baby girl sick and unable to hold her. All I could do was pray. After being discharged from the hospital, I noticed Anniyah still wasn’t back to fully being herself after two weeks. Her gait was wide, she wasn’t using sentences or speaking as much and favored her head to one side. I mentioned it to her dad and doctors, and they all told me to give it time as she had been down for a week and not utilizing her fine and gross motor skills. As a mother and educator, I zoomed into all the details when it came to Anniyah’s day-to-day activities.

Things were different in our household than I was used to. I was raised as a Christian, but after getting married, I started practicing Islam by my then-husband’s beliefs. When going through a difficult time, I was used to calling on prayer warriors from church to battle for you. As a Muslim, I didn’t know how to pray, nor did I have Muslim sisters to call on.

I felt like I was going through this storm because I turned away from my faith and the path God designed for me. On March 14, 2011, Anniyah had a seizure at daycare. I was working in the preschool classroom upstairs (nothing but God) when my classroom phone rang. Her teacher was on the line telling me to come downstairs. I ran into the classroom to see my baby girl’s body shaking and hot to touch.

We called 911 and were rushed to Cooper Hospital in Camden, NJ. I was told nothing was wrong and that she had a seizure due to a high fever. The very next day Anniyah had another seizure. This time I drove her to CHOP hoping to get a different answer because she had no history of seizures. Once we arrived at the Emergency Room, they performed a lumbar tap in the hallway for fluid to run tests. Over the next two weeks, we were in and out of the hospital trying to figure out what was happening.

I missed work to stay at the hospital, trying to understand what the doctors were saying regarding my daughter. I was still lost in my religion. On March 28^th, Anniyah was diagnosed with opsoclonus-myoclonus-ataxia (OMS), which is an autoimmune disorder. Results were pending to determine what stage it was in. Stage 4 was Neuroblastoma.

April 1, 2011, we were in Anniyah’s room coloring and a sea of doctors swarmed the room. At that very moment, I knew something was wrong, and my heart dropped to my stomach. The word that no mother wants to hear rolled off the doctor’s lips, “Anniyah has Neuroblastoma, and her tumor is 2x4x10”. I was confused. I looked at Anniyah’s father hoping for a response. I responded, “What is that?” Dr. Rupon replied, “A childhood cancer.”

I thought it was an April Fool’s Day joke. Silly me. Four days later, Anniyah’s father was laid off from the Camden County Department of Corrections, which meant we no longer had insurance. Several thoughts went through my mind, as I wondered:

Why did this happen to my daughter?

Why bless me with a child to make us go through this?

How am I going to handle a child with cancer?

What will her future be like?

We were discharged a week after surgery. I took my daughter to church despite being “Muslim” and allowed the warriors of Emmanuel UP Church to pray over us. I prayed the way I knew how and asked God for healing and strength through that time. I finally surrendered to God and gave Him my YES! After leaving church, I knew God had us covered as I felt better and lighter.

My aunt encouraged me to trust God and that everything would be ok, and it was! Our home was now divided when it came to religion, but I didn’t care because after I gave my yes to God, He moved mountains for Anniyah.

The amount of support we received from CHOP was amazing. They became our family. My family helped as much as they could. Anniyah’s grandmother formed a special bond with her as they both fought cancer at the same time. There were times I felt weak and extremely discouraged as a mother because I thought I did something wrong. I thought my actions and choices caused Anniyah to go through a great deal of pain and trauma.

All the while, not realizing that God was trying to get my attention so that I could get back on track with Him! I’ve discovered that Anniyah is my why in life. I worked two jobs just to get health coverage for Anniyah. I went back to school to get my Masters’ in Special Education because I grew tired of doctors talking at me instead of with me regarding my daughter’s treatment.

After a long road of working two jobs, being back in school, chemotherapy, and countless sleepless nights, my ex got called back to work. I leaned on God for everything. From that day forward I decided to consult with God first before making any decisions affecting my life.

In 2018, Anniyah was placed in remission requiring yearly scans. She was also diagnosed with epilepsy, celiac disease, a heart condition, and autism spectrum disorder. I have continued to pray for her through every diagnosis, and she is no longer diagnosed with celiac disease, nor does she require cardiology care. We got baptized together, I regularly instill in her that she’s fearfully and wonderfully made and that no weapon formed against her shall ever prosper.

Anniyah is truly God’s gift to me and has the best spirit ever. At 13 years old, she is still in remission and knows God for herself. No matter what is thrown at her, she handles it with grace. She’s able to say, “Mom let’s pray about it.” She is brave enough to share her story with others. With my degree and training, I’m able to write her Individualized Education Program (IEP) for school every year. They say at the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold. Anniyah’s my rainbow baby and most definitely my prize!

Encouragement for Moms:

I want to tell all the parents out there to remember to keep God first and lean not on your own understanding. Create a village that will carry you when you are too weak to carry yourself. Ask questions when you are confused, journal your thoughts, questions, unfamiliar terms, and affirmations for you and your child. I had to go through that storm so that I could be the woman I am today for my daughter. I no longer question why, I just thank God for the how and when.

Prayer for Moms:

I pray for healing over your mind, body, and soul. I ask that God restores your strength and patience and that an abundance of understanding be poured into you throughout the journey.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Want to hear more of Kaisha’s story? Watch our Moms Night In Conversation on YouTube.

Or watch here on our Faith-Filled Moms Facebook page.