One of the things that made my mom unique was that she was a domestic engineer, which is today’s more professional terminology for a housewife or homemaker. I thought that was very unique during the early 1950s when I was born. She was always there and accessible for me and my siblings.
She truly raised us. I am the oldest of nine siblings, one of whom passed soon after birth, and my mother was available for all of us. She showed me the value of my independence and the importance of having my own mind from an early age. Her loving-kindness, compassion, and overall character were a model for me, and she was intentional about showing me and my siblings how to get along with one another.
She showed us how to give, and that characteristic has stuck with me through my adult life as well. My mom completed high school as her highest level of education, and I saw how proud she was when my baby sister graduated from college. She instilled the importance of education in us, which was a catalyst for me to go further in my education. When I had 36 credits left before my degree, I remember promising my mom that I would “walk across that stage the following year.”
Her smile was motivation for me; pleasing her and my dad meant so much. I was fortunate to travel with my mom and remember a beautiful time when my family was able to travel to the Bahamas together. During my mother’s illness, I recall her maintaining her strength. She was a very proud and private person and even though outwardly we saw evidence of her ailments, with the loss her of leg and loss of part of her hand from complications of diabetes, she maintained her strength.
Being as sick as she was, she would still be in the kitchen, cooking a full-course meal even after losses of her leg and hand. She was not arrogantly proud, but she never wanted people to feel sorry for her. She remained confident in her relationship with God, even throughout her suffering.
She was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during her 6th pregnancy, which persisted postpartum, and she suffered from the ailment until her death. She continued loving her family as best she could, and did not waver in any her commitments.
My mother went into the hospital in December 1998 and remained there until she passed on December 29th. That morning, my dad called us into her hospital room, and we held hands. Circling her bed, we read the Lord’s prayer and the 23rd Psalm. Mom and I then had a long conversation, and I was leaving, she said, “Everything is going to be okay.” By the time I arrived back at the hospital that evening, she could no longer talk.
While I cannot think back as to how exactly I reacted to her passing after so many years, I do remember my sadness. As I cried, it felt like a piece of my heart was leaving me. However, I knew my mom had been through a lot and she was very sick at the time of her passing, so I was not angry or confused when God took her. She was finally able to receive rest and peace from all of her physical agony.
She tried not to show it, but I knew she was suffering. I am grateful for the bond my siblings and I share with each other, as well as with my dad. We really were strength and comfort for one another, and it was a blessing to be able to hold each other during such a sorrowful time.
My mother’s long-time best friend Hazel May and her husband Thomas May were such a support to my father and all of us throughout the entire loss and even afterward. Mother May and my mom would often spend time during Mother May’s work lunch break and talk. Though her children never got to know my mom well, the entire May family worked my mother’s funeral service and that was such a blessing.
I think because my siblings and I came from a strong Christian background and because I was already an adult, my faith was pretty solid. We were raised in a household of faith and church was really the foundation of our family, so the realities of God’s hope, peace, comfort, and love were always present. I believed He would supply those promises even in my darkest times.
I think of my mom every day. The thoughts I have are warm and I smile as I recall everything she taught me when I was growing up. I may not have understood them back when she was imparting them to me, but now I can appreciate her wisdom and implement so much that she shared with me. It is not so much a regret, as it is a longing, that I wish she had the opportunity to witness so many of my accomplishments in life.
She did witness me graduate with my Bachelor’s degree from college. I would have been elated for her to see me go on and achieve my Master’s and Doctoral degrees and the work God has blessed my hands to do in ministry. She always told me that I could do better, and it would have meant the world for her to witness me become the State Supervisor of Women in the Church of God in Christ, under the leadership of Bishop Martin Luther Johnson.
I know she is smiling down on all that I have done and that she is ultimately proud of the woman I have become. That gives me so much peace and joy! As I live in the now, beyond my mother’s passing, even years later, I evaluate how prepared we are as Christian people for the death of our loved ones. In my position now, I am naturally a teacher in ministry, and I have realized that church often prepares us for the spiritual truths about a person passing, especially a person whose life has been rooted in a faithful relationship with Christ.
We are taught all the scriptures that give us comfort in how God handles the death of one of His beloveds, but we are not always prepared for how our natural bodies and minds will react to death. We are not prepared for missing someone, hopelessness, and heartache. The scriptures are there to comfort us and they do just that.
I believe, along with that, there is a place where people need to be able to process their emotions as God heals their hearts. This does not mean everyone will automatically need professional help to process these feelings, but whatever is needed for each individual’s specific circumstances, we should make sure those resources are readily available.
Struggling with a loved one’s passing doesn’t mean you are a weak Christian or that your relationship is broken with Christ. We all have hills and valleys during this life and God gives us the precious gift of His Son Jesus Christ and each other throughout this journey.
We are strength for one another as the Bible encourages us to be. I would implore people to not only make the scriptures available to those who are hurting but also make themselves available because just being present can mean so much. You never know what someone is experiencing day-to-day and we all can take time from ourselves to be there for others. God knows how human we are, and He gave us the great gift of each other and community. Always cherish your loved ones and try never to take them for granted, especially your mother.
Prayer for Moms:
Dear Lord,
I pray you wrap your loving arms around the moms reading this. You provide the strength and comfort that we need, and I ask you to surround hurting mothers today. They are not abandoned, and they are not forsaken even though it can feel that way when you lose your mom. You promised to be with us always. Remind them that you are always with them and send people to encourage their hearts.
In Jesus’ Mighty Name I pray, Amen.
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