I met Will in 1999; we were engaged in 2001 and married in 2002. With the natural progression of things, the next step was to start our family. We wanted to take the first year of marriage to focus on the two of us before starting a family.
I never heard anyone talk about miscarriages, so that was the furthest thing from my mind when we started trying to start our family. We wanted to have three children, then decided to start trying, and became pregnant within 3-5 months. While trying, I was ready to take a pregnancy test if I was a day late for my cycle. Will wanted me to wait longer so I didn’t keep wasting money on pregnancy tests.
I was just so excited and impatient. When I finally saw a positive result, I ran to the store and purchased a different brand just to make sure. Once I confirmed it with the second test, I shared the big news with Will. We were excited and we told our parents, siblings, and close friends.
Coming from a big family, I was excited to finally start having my own children. My brother had children first, so my sisters and I spoiled and treated them as our own. My oldest sister had just had a daughter earlier that month and was living close to me in in Maryland at the time, so I was excited to have a child around the same age so they could grow up together.
Finally, I hit the 6-week mark, and it was time for my first obstetrician appointment. We were excited and my body felt great. The appointment appeared to be routine. After the examination, I was sent to another office location for an ultrasound, which I thought was a normal part of the process. They completed a vaginal ultrasound due to the early nature of my pregnancy, which was sent to the doctor to review the results.
We were directed to wait in a room and then I started to question if this was all routine. After waiting for what seemed like such a long time, my phone rang. The doctor sympathetically informed me that they weren’t able to find a heartbeat and that we would need to schedule a D&C. I had no clue what that was, and the doctor didn’t bother to explain.
I broke down crying. While Will was comforting me, the door opened, and someone came in to escort us out of the office, which I felt was cold and heartless. It was like I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. We had just shared the good news of the pregnancy and now we had to go back and inform everyone that there would be no baby. I questioned God and couldn’t understand if there was something I had done wrong to make this happen.
A few days later we had the D&C, which stands for Dilation and Curettage. It is a procedure where the doctor removes tissue from the uterus after a miscarriage if it doesn’t naturally expel through bleeding.
I had been a manager at a uniform store, and I remember two older ladies who worked for me telling me that “all that lifting and being on my feet too much” was what caused my miscarriage. No one around me had ever talked about miscarriages so I didn’t know what to think.
It wasn’t until my mom and others started sharing with me about their experiences with miscarriage, that I realized it wasn’t caused by something I had done, but there are times that a pregnancy just isn’t viable. After the D&C they told me to wait a few months before trying again.
They also gave me a journal to record my thoughts. It was helpful as it talked about ways to honor my child after the loss. One was to plant a tree, but I don’t have a green thumb and another suggestion was to write a letter to the baby. I chose to do that and it helped me grieve the loss.
We did as instructed and were pregnant again a few months later. This time I was cautious with whom I shared my news. I didn’t want to have to tell many if the pregnancy didn’t go full term. Those first six weeks seemed to take forever, and fear kept creeping in. Once we hit six weeks, I was relieved and really began to get excited and felt everything would be fine since we made it past the critical point.
We had heard a heartbeat and believed everything was good. The second miscarriage came at 7 weeks. I couldn’t believe this was happening again! I began questioning God and wondering if I would ever be able to have kids. During this time my parent’s church was having a birthday service for my dad. I didn’t want to go – I didn’t feel like celebrating. I just wanted to be left alone.
We made the drive to New Jersey, knowing that when we got back to Maryland that Monday, I would be having yet another D&C. I smiled through pictures while I cried on the inside. On our return to Maryland, I started cramping really bad and we called my doctor. They had me come right in because my body was trying to expel the embryo. After my second D&C, I remember them telling me to wait 3-4 months again before trying, but this time I didn’t listen.
We were pregnant within 2 months, but we didn’t tell anyone outside of our parents. I didn’t know if we were ever going to be parents, but I felt we still needed to try. Early in this pregnancy, I heard God’s voice more clearly than I have ever heard him. He told me that I would have this baby. I remember lying in my bed and going into worship. I believed God, but fear kept trying to creep its way in. During the 6 and 7-week marks, I began to worry again. I just couldn’t help it, given all I had been through.
My ultrasound came back fine, and we heard the heartbeat. I was still scared as I remembered the 2nd miscarriage, we heard the heartbeat, and I still lost the baby. Once we made it past week 7, I started to really believe what God told me. One day I began spotting and broke down crying. I called my mom, just knowing it was happening again and I believed I would never have a baby.
My mom immediately started speaking the Word of God over me. She quoted 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Then she quoted Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of a good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise think on these things.”
So, I began to bring my mind under the Word of God. I spoke back to God what He promised me and began to believe that all would be well. They did a sonogram at the doctor’s office and we heard the heartbeat again. They informed me that sometimes spotting during pregnancy doesn’t necessarily mean the baby is in danger. I began to praise God and truly trust that everything was going to be alright.
Once we made it to 13 weeks, we told everyone the exciting news. Thankfully, the remainder of the pregnancy was normal and at 38 weeks, my son William made his grand entrance in the middle of a huge snowstorm in February 2006.
Once William was almost 2 years old, we talked about adding to our family again. This time I wasn’t worried, and we got pregnant, but again had another miscarriage. I couldn’t believe it! How much more was God going to have me endure? I was now having my 3rd D&C and wondering if William was going to be an only child.
This time my faith was stronger, and I remembered God did it for me with William; I had faith that He was going to do it for me again. By this time my insurance had changed and I had a new obstetrician. She knew my history and was so reassuring during all of this. When my faith was weak, Will and Dr. Leslie stood in the gap.
Once we were pregnant with my daughter, Dr. Leslie put me on baby aspirin once a day and monitored me closely. I had morning sickness, but didn’t complain because I heard that it was a good sign for a viable pregnancy. I didn’t know if it was true or not, but I held onto it and prayed that God would keep this child. When I was three months pregnant, I had bad stomach pain and had to be hospitalized for a few days. Again, fear started to creep in, but I stood firm on the World of God. They monitored the baby and said that the heartbeat was strong. The rest of the pregnancy was pretty normal and at 37 weeks, Whitney completed our family.
I know that experiencing my tests and trials have helped to shape my testimony, so I can connect with others who are going through the same thing. Talking about miscarriages sometimes seems to be taboo, and because of that stigma, many suffer alone. It was the stories of those who experienced miscarriages and made it through that encouraged me after my miscarriages.
Knowing how much others’ stories helped me, I chose to share my experiences with others. People would reach out and ask if they could put me in touch with someone they knew who had a miscarriage, to help encourage them. I wanted to reassure them that there was nothing that they did to cause this, and in God’s time, He would bless them just like He blessed me.
I now see some of those I shared my story with, and they have children now. I never wanted anyone to feel how those older ladies made me feel. I realized God had me go through all of this for Him to get the glory, even from the painful experiences and for me to be able to share my testimony to help others.
Words of Encouragement:
During difficult times, remember to meditate on God’s Word. I encourage you to consider the same scriptures my mother spoke over me.
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of a good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8
Prayer:
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the women that my story will reach, help them to know that even though they don’t see the end of the road, You do, and You have them in the palm of Your hand. Help them to trust and depend completely on You and know that You will see them through. Give them the strength to endure and give them a testimony at the end just as You did for me.
In Jesus Name, Amen!
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