At 37 years old, I was considered to be at “advanced maternal age” when our oldest daughter Allie was conceived through fertility treatments. When I turned 39, my husband Anthony and I decided to try naturally for another child, and I got pregnant right away.
On June 21, 2018, God made us a family of four. Ava Grace came at a very tumultuous time in my life, when our family was experiencing major changes and transitions, and I was seeking God’s direction for our future.
Little did I know how God would use Ava to show Himself even more in our lives. Ava developed as expected and met her milestones, but I did notice some things that were different from Allie – Ava didn’t give me eye contact, she would flap her hands, spin, and walk on her toes.
By the time she turned 18 months, I noticed other unusual behaviors from Ava. Although I have never compared my children, I knew in my heart that somehow, she was different. Ava was not talking, and I noticed her walking on her tiptoes and constantly “stimming” to music.
These behaviors were not new to me, as I have family members on the spectrum, which led me to research the condition to better understand them. Some had more severe forms of autism than others. One night when watching Ava spinning in circles and walking on her toes, I said to my husband, “Babe, she’s on the spectrum. She’s high functioning, but I feel like she’s definitely on the autism spectrum.”
I made an appointment with her pediatrician and shared my concerns. He confirmed my suspicions and encouraged me to have her evaluated. I was very anxious as I wanted to understand what was going on with my child so I took her to Cooper Developmental Pediatrics. After her evaluation, Ava was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
My husband struggled with this diagnosis, due to his experience with a family member diagnosed with ASD. But I remember feeling relieved at finally having a diagnosis. I cried, not because my child was autistic, but the simple fact that I now knew and no longer had to “try” to figure out what was happening with my child.
I then felt a little bit of concern since I had my daughter at the age of 40 and began to wonder:
“Will she be able to take care of herself?”
“Will she need care for the rest of her life?”
“Will she be able to lead a normal life? Get married and have children?”
The pediatrician eased my fears with a simple, “Absolutely, with the proper therapies, she can do anything she puts her mind to!” I knew at that moment that God loved me so much, that he gave me a warrior. I wanted to start planning everything that she would need to have a successful life.
In February 2021, Ava began therapy services with Early Intervention. She had speech and occupational therapy. As we were in the middle of COVID-19, her speech therapy was virtual, and it was a bit challenging. It was definitely a big change for us all as a family with her seeing therapists online and in person, but we persevered, and all worked so hard together to help her. Some days were definitely a bit tough, but we got through them.
As she approached her third birthday that June, we knew the Early Intervention therapy would be ending. To continue the appropriate treatment, I was advised to get further testing to understand where she was on the spectrum. I contacted NeurAbilities Healthcare in southern New Jersey to schedule her for Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) testing. This testing assessed her communication, social skills, and behaviors to make a more definitive diagnosis on the autism spectrum.
The testing confirmed autism and specified the further diagnosis of mixed-receptive-expressive language disorder and cognitive communication deficit. With this new information, we sought therapy services with MJ Kidz, also in South Jersey.
Ava started speech therapy in July 2021. The first day was a major challenge as she had the biggest tantrum I had ever seen! I cried so hard after witnessing it, but the therapists at MJ Kidz were so kind and helped me work through my feelings. By the end of our first session, Ava had calmed down and even completed a few tasks. I was so proud of my baby and knew I had to be strong and lean on God for the strength and direction to get her where she needed to be.
Even though she was 3, in September Ava was blessed to be able to start Pre-K at Mary Volz Elementary School in Runnemede, NJ. God was really showing off and showing out with all of the doors He opened for us. Ava’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) was completed, and she was also receiving speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy at school. With the combination of therapy services from MJ Kidz and school, Ava was thriving!
We still had challenges. Sometimes I would look at Ava, and I could see her mind spinning, but she wasn’t able to communicate with me. I would think, “God I wish I could understand what my baby was thinking.” But I know He hand-picked me to be Ava’s mom. Imagine the sheer joy I felt when she first called me “Mommy” at 5 years old.
I have never questioned God about Ava’s diagnosis. Seeing all she has overcome and accomplished, this experience has taught me to never put a limit on my child to say what she can’t do. Just because I haven’t observed her doing it, doesn’t mean that she can’t. With God, ALL things are possible!
Sometimes I feel for Allie, as I see she wants to have more communication with her sister, but she understands that her sister is a bit different in certain areas, and she has been such a blessing to her sister and us.
Today, Ava is an amazing 5-year-old girl. I am proud that she is now talking and able to tell me what she needs. She is in kindergarten and is still in therapy with MJ Kidz and the Special Education program at Union Valley Elementary School in Sicklerville, NJ. She has a speech device, but barely uses it at home.
When I look at her, I see the hand of God in her life! It gives me such joy to know that God sees fit to use her life to show others that autism is not the end, but it is the beginning of my child’s abundant life. I am looking forward to watching her continue to grow and become the woman of God that He has created. Thank you, God, for my gift!
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR MOMS:
I share my story, especially with moms who may be struggling with their child’s diagnosis, or even those in denial – who know something is going on with their child, but refuse to have them evaluated for fear of diagnosis.
What I’d like to say to my fellow moms is to listen to your heart and seek God for your direction. Autism is not a death sentence and does not have to be scary. God makes no mistakes and knows his plans for our lives, and that includes the lives of our children. In the same way, we are not to limit God, never limit your child. Allow them to go at their own pace while utilizing the tools and assistance in place for your child. There is NOTHING too hard for God and you must trust Him with your most valuable treasure, which is your child.
PRAYER FOR MOMS:
Lord, I ask that you strengthen my fellow mom throughout this autism journey with her child. Continue to keep her and guide her through these times and let her know that you are there with her every step of the way. Allow her faith to increase even more as the days go on and allow her to see the fruits of her labor of love for her child.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
MJ Kidz – https://www.mjkidz.com/
NeurAbilities – https://neurabilities.com/
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