My journey to becoming a neonatologist (newborn specialist) and career achievements were my life’s priorities before becoming a wife and mother. I did not get married until age 38 which put me on the fast track to becoming a mother, or so I thought. My infertility was my first challenge. We tried to get pregnant naturally after getting married in August 2012, but after 6 months there was no success.
I was fortunate that the husband of one of my professional mentors was a reproductive endocrinologist. He ran my fertility labs in December of 2012. He intended to deliver my results after the Christmas holiday since my labs were not reassuring of conceiving naturally. My curiosity made me impatient, and I reached out to him first. When I received the unfortunate news that I was in premature menopause with reduced quantity and quality of eggs, I was devastated, and felt guilty and that life was unfair.
He recommended I consider an egg donor or adoption to grow our family. I was not ready for either, so we sought a higher-level fertility specialist, but still no luck. I finally decided to proceed with IVF using a donor egg option by the fall of 2013. I was inspired that prior summer by a talk show segment that featured African American CoverGirl model, Tomiko Fraser-Hines, who had used donor eggs to conceive and deliver her twin sons in January 2013. God was giving me a big nudge.
Of the two embryos placed in December 2013, one was implanted. We were officially pregnant! My due date was September 9. During my pregnancy, I experienced several complications: Rh factor incompatibility, gestational hypertension, preeclampsia, placental abruption, and placental insufficiency. These conditions were severely compromising both my health and the health of my unborn daughter.
In my final days of pregnancy her baseline heart rate, perfusion, and placental function were declining. The onset of my gestational (pregnancy-related) hypertension was in early May 2014, around 20 weeks into my pregnancy. I knew the threshold of viability was 24 weeks. I was anxious and scared about the possibility of losing my pregnancy or delivering very prematurely due to my health compromising my baby’s health.
I knew I was high risk and had counseled many moms in the same scenario professionally. I also knew the short-term and long-term complications of infants born very prematurely. Ideally, it would have been best for me to take a medical leave from work and go on bed rest at home, but I was so driven in my career that I did not even consider this as an option. I did not want to burden my colleagues with increased work hours and responsibilities because of my absence.
Despite starting antihypertension medication, I was admitted for hospital bedrest at 25 weeks and 6 days, due to its ineffectiveness. Within several days, my daily ultrasounds showed abnormalities in the placental blood flow patterns between me and the baby. Her baseline heart rate was declining daily during the 10 days I was on hospital bedrest. The night before my daughter’s birth, there was a significant drop in her heart rate, indicating severe fetal compromise. The chance of losing the baby remained high the longer I stayed pregnant.
The next morning, I made the call with the maternal-fetal medicine team that it was time for her to be delivered for the sake of both of us. Chinaka Marie Bird was born three months premature at 27 weeks gestation on June 10, 2014. A term baby completes 37-40 weeks gestation. Once again, I felt life was unfair.
I was challenged to trust God, as well as my colleagues with the outcome of my premature daughter. I felt threatened that my only chance of having a healthy child at the age of 40 was becoming impossible. Her prognosis was uncertain.
Her name, Chinaka, is of Igbo origin and means, “God decides.” One of my Nigerian colleagues assisted us with her name choice. We chose her name as an immediate and lifelong blessing. I was in a fog during the 71 days of her NICU stay. Despite being very knowledgeable about all the risks of an infant born three months prematurely, I was helpless and in shock as a mother. Yet still, I was trusting and hopeful as a NICU physician. My family was amazed at how small she was – 1 lb. 14 oz. We were also uncertain about her chances of survival and the risk of significant complications in the long term.
I felt like I was on the spot to answer their questions and be responsible for guaranteeing the best outcome. I could not do either. Chinaka was on respiratory support for the entire NICU stay. She required blood and platelet transfusions. There are a few common but critical milestone screenings during her NICU course that caused me anxiety and worry, due to the anticipation of results.
She had ultrasounds of the heart and brain. She had a detailed eye exam to monitor her retinal development and risk of impaired vision. I warned my colleagues not to call me unless she had a critical change. General updates could wait as I felt like a phone call from the hospital would unnerve me since I visited every day. I returned to work six weeks postpartum to save my bonding time for after her hospital discharge. My colleagues allowed me to adjust my hours to four nights a week, so I could visit her daily.
God sent us a guardian angel in the flesh, Fr. Greg, during her NICU stay. He was our unit chaplain and visited weekly. He took care of our provider team and families spiritually. We were blessed that our unit held spiritual healing in high regard.
During her hospital stay, the biggest challenge was managing my work and life balance. I did not experience any conflicts with her care team since they were my work colleagues. Chinaka had no major complications during her NICU course but was discharged on home oxygen and an apnea monitor at 37 weeks.
She had a mild case of preemie lungs, known as bronchopulmonary dysplasia (BPD). The oxygen was weaned off by less than a month after her discharge. As mama doc, I unofficially assisted with weaning her off oxygen. We were fortunate not to need daycare and keep her home for the first year of life. She started daycare at 15 months after we moved from PA to NJ.
It was a rough year since her lungs were still fragile. Every cold resulted in shortness of breath and wheezing. She needed nebulizer treatments whenever she was sick. She also required daily inhaled steroids for the maintenance of lung health. Her lungs were finally strong enough to not require medication by the time she was 2 ½ years old.
My faith was challenged throughout my journey – from my pregnancy, delivery, her NICU course, and after her discharge. I was obedient to my faith-inspired moral standards and waited until marriage to attempt to conceive, but God did not allow me to be a mother in the traditional way.
He also forced me to experience first-hand the journey of the many families I care for daily. I had to believe that all these experiences were God’s plan and His purpose. I remain inspired and amazed as a mama doc! I appreciate God’s wonder in my everyday work efforts and the ability to participate in the miracle of life as I see other infants thrive. I also find peace in the loss of the infants who lose their battle in the NICU.
My NICU experience makes me a more compassionate physician. It also makes it easier for me to counsel high-risk mothers facing imminent preterm delivery, as well as guide families through the ups and downs of their NICU journey. When the death of a patient is inevitable, I ask parents if they want their pastor or a member of our pastoral care team present. I also ask if they want their baby baptized.
My journey to motherhood initially seemed bleak. I refused to give up and sought all options of assisted reproduction. I finally came to terms that a donor egg was the best option for me. I wanted to have the experience of carrying a pregnancy. I do not hold any guilt for falling a little short because she was premature since my daughter is now living her best life with no deficits. Admittedly, my attitude may have been different if she was impaired.
I recall my therapist saying that the donor egg was enlisting the help of another to get started while I grew the baby. I put my trust in God and that faith and science were meant to work together. I see science as a gift of knowledge God has given us to help ourselves. I am glad that I live in this age of advanced reproductive technology.
I mentioned previously that I felt like my only chance of having a healthy child at age 40 was threatened. I had to put my trust in God and the power of her name in honor of him. I would pray daily during her NICU stay and still on occasion call on God for him to “decide” with favor and grant her the best health.
The NICU is scary! Faith is needed to survive the journey. As challenges arise, trust God’s plan.
Encouragement for Moms:
We as women tend to sacrifice ourselves to care for others. I learned to pause when needed and put my health as a priority.
It’s ok to need help with conception. Use your village and resources. Be open to discussing your challenges with other women. You never know who knows who. Infertility is more common than we may expect. It’s also expensive! Many women who have experienced the infertility challenge are willing to share to make the journey easier for the next woman.
Science and faith can work together. Pray for experienced and compassionate providers. Also, pray to God for understanding and acceptance when the journey gets tough. Ask your care team to allow your faith traditions and faith leaders to be part of your child’s medical journey.
Support groups, as well as the internet, are invaluable resources. If you still don’t understand or feel unsure during a discussion with a physician or medical team, ask more questions. Keep a notebook for questions and memories. Be cautious about providers that make decisions in haste or discourage you from participating in the care of your child. Medicine has become so advanced, and we can do some pretty amazing things. There is a solution for most issues simple and complicated and many ways to do things.
Prayer for Moms:
We pray for the hands and minds of the providers that you have selected.
Have your way and if it is your will, find favor for the journey and health of our baby.
Provide us comfort and ease our hearts and minds as our family goes through this uncertain journey.
All praise to you and the wonders that you reveal to us.
In the name of Jesus bless us, Amen.
Want to hear more of Charrell’s story? Watch our Moms Night In conversation on YouTube:
Or watch here on our Faith-Filled Moms Facebook page.
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