Claudia’s Story: Strength for the Brokenhearted – by Mercede White

According to Webster’s dictionary, a “jewel in the crown” is the most valuable or successful part of something. When used to describe a person, a jewel is considered to be a very pleasing or valued person or thing; a very fine example. As I reflect on the beautiful life of my mother, Claudia Wilson, I recall just how precious and rare her example of love, kindness, and integrity was. She was a woman of character, faith, and values. Though she possessed so many amazing qualities, her love for God and others is what made her unique and special.

Growing up, my mother occasionally would share about the day she chose to give her life to the Lord. At 33 years old and pregnant, the moment she found out her precious baby was a girl, she wanted to be the best version of herself and chose to surrender her life to Christ. That decision would mark the turning point in her life.

As my mother’s walk with the Lord grew, she began to immerse herself in the Word of God daily and found that her faith was strengthened as she attended weekly church services. This dedication she had to spend time with the Lord spilled over into our home.

My mother’s love for God was contagious. She couldn’t wait to read the Bible and wanted my dad and me to share in that excitement. It was so important to her that we understood how good God was and is in our lives.  Every night, she would encourage us to gather around to have Bible study. Selecting a chapter from the Bible, she encouraged each one of us to read a verse and then explain what it meant. I was always nervous to give my explanation of the verses for fear of getting it wrong, but quickly learned I did not have to fear explaining anything because she was an excellent cheerleader who guided me in comprehending the Bible. 

She also had a love for prayer. From modeling for me how to pray over my food and saying bedtime prayers to going into my prayer closet and bearing my heart to the Lord. My mom’s example of the power of prayer was evident in everything that she did.  

It was through her love for the Lord and her immense kindness that our closeness as mother and daughter, and even best friends, was born. I could talk to my mother about anything and everything that I was going through.  She would listen intently and patiently, allowing me to talk for hours if necessary. Regardless of the topic of conversation, my mom always included the Lord in every discussion. Her advice never fell on deaf ears because she lived the life she talked about.

She loved people immensely; her love shined through because of her close walk with Christ and she delighted in giving her best. Once I invited my girlfriends over for dinner at my parents’ house and my mom decided that she was going to make an elaborate meal and bring out her best china and glasses to serve them. I was puzzled because my mom would only bring out her china for really special occasions.

When I inquired why she would choose to use her best china for a weeknight dinner with friends, she replied, “So often we save our best china for our elite guests that are adorned with titles or roles of leadership, yet I desire that every person that comes through this door to feel like an elite guest.” I was blown away by her response and quickly obliged her sentiments. But that was my mom’s character. She loved people and always wanted them to leave her presence feeling honored, loved, and seen.

As an adult, I would visit my mom regularly. Girl time with her was considered to be a highlight of my week. We would make breakfast, paint nails, watch movies, talk, and of course, pray. When we were not in each other’s presence, we were on the phone with each other. She was truly my best friend.

Having all of these memories tucked deep into my heart, made her passing extremely difficult.  My mother had her first of 4 strokes on July 26, 2020. My aunt called, explaining my mom had become increasingly dizzy while at the beach and could no longer hold any object securely in her hand. Mom refused to go to the hospital, so I jumped in my car, and called my best friend Sheera who worked in the medical field, asking her to meet me at my mom’s house.

Praying the entire way, my mom was confused and disoriented upon my arrival. I began asking her simple questions to gauge her cognition, and Sheera assessed that she had extremely high blood pressure. Even with our urging, Mom refused to seek medical attention. The more she refused, the more frustrated I became as I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to put her health first. I later found out she was concerned about finances and was afraid to get a hospital bill.

Mom insisted we schedule her a doctor’s appointment for the next day. After calling the doctor and explaining the symptoms, he told her she was having a stroke and to go to the hospital immediately. Flooded with relief, we took her to the hospital where the doctors confirmed she had an ischemic stroke. They prescribed her medicine to stop the effects of the stroke, and she seemed to be unscathed.

But as time went on, Mom became increasingly forgetful, unaware of her surroundings, and hyper-focused on things that were of little importance. Her mood would quickly change, often leaving me in a state of confusion. I found myself praying constantly to not take it personally or internalize her reactions and responses. I also prayed for God to keep her and to prevent her from having another stroke.

Slowly, things were getting better, and over the next few months, my mom seemed to find some level of normalcy. On October 5, 2020, my husband and I were watching TV with my mom, and my husband noticed she was staring off with a blank look on her face. He spoke to her, but she didn’t respond, and then the left side of her face began to droop. It felt like the blood had rushed completely out of my body.

I jumped off the couch, kneeled in front of her, and began praying. She mumbled, “Am I okay?” I assured her she was while my husband called 911. In the 5 minutes it took for the paramedics to arrive, my mom was talking again like nothing had happened. It was as if she hadn’t had a stroke at all. When she arrived at the hospital, the doctors confirmed that she had a mini-stroke.

I feared the long-lasting effects of the strokes and prayed for a miracle. God reminded me of my favorite scripture, Isaiah 41:10: Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee, I will uphold thee with My righteous right hand. I instantly felt comforted, like God was giving me a major hug and telling me, “No matter what it looks like, I’m going to walk with you and you don’t have to live in fear.”

My mom was still the same kind and loving person, but this stroke left her with stunted reasoning and slower movements. She could no longer drive, which really bothered her as she lived by herself. We continued to have our special time and I checked up on her even more than usual, appreciating any time we had together.

Each of the strokes took a toll on her body and mind in ways I never could have imagined, almost as if they changed her personality. The third stroke was the most devastating, as the conversations ceased, and the uncertainties grew. I had no time to grieve what was, as my mother needed me. Instantly my role shifted from daughter to caretaker with no preparation. I accepted the new responsibility with joy because it was an honor to take care of the woman who so graciously took care of me.

Even with the effects and damage of the 3 strokes, her spirit was still joyous and lively. I remember visiting her in the nursing home, and she always greeted me with a huge smile as she no longer had a voice. For 8 months, I visited my mom in the nursing home, sat by her side, prayed with her, and encouraged her in hopes of her prognosis getting better. Then the unthinkable happened – a 4^th fourth stroke, resulting in my brother and I having to make one of the hardest decisions of our lives.

The doctors told us that she would be a vegetable. We knew that was not what my mom would have wanted. We made the difficult decision to place her in comfort care and remove all life support. My mom passed away on October 1, 2021, and my life hasn’t been the same. I learned to lean and trust in God’s strength like never before. I felt His presence and comfort so strongly, that it literally held me up.

All of the years of my mom encouraging me to trust in the Lord prepared me for the moment she left this earth. Grief is an interesting companion. You never know what may trigger it to come alongside you. A fragrance, sound, or picture will cause even the most buried memories to resurface, sometimes causing a beautiful tapestry of happiness and other times creating a storm of sadness.

I am thankful that even amid grief, God did not leave me alone. He blessed me with an amazing husband who prayed over me, encouraged me, and sat with me during the hard times. I am also thankful for my dad who would sit with her, cut her hair, trim her nails, and do anything that was needed. My brother flew in multiple times from Tennessee to help with my mom and to be a great support. It was such a blessing for my mom’s siblings to get on Zoom and visit with her. I’m also blessed with an amazing church family, school family, and relational family that supported me as well.

I learned that God is truly a keeper and friend. Nothing that we walk through is wasted. The difficulties that came with my mom’s sickness and ultimately her death taught me faithfulness and beauty through the pain.

Encouragement for Moms:

If I could encourage any mom going through this, I would encourage you to lean on the Lord. Be honest with Him about every emotion you feel and be patient in the process of grief. Lean into the ebbs and flow of grief and don’t rush the process. God is able to help you through it all.

Prayer for Moms:

Dear Lord,

I pray that you would wrap your loving arms around each and every mom who is dealing with the loss of her mother. I pray that you would send your precious spirit to soothe, heal, and strengthen their heart, emotions, and mind like only You can. Let her know that You will be her rock and fortress throughout her journey and that there is purpose in the pain.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Want to hear more of Mercede’s story? Watch our Moms Night In Conversation on YouTube

Or watch here on our Faith-Filled Moms Facebook page.